They should make villains less adorable/good-looking. Seriously.

It is totally not almost four in the morning and I am totally not still playing Zelda. Okay, now that we've gotten that blatant lie out of the way, I shall turn my attention to the pressing matter at hand: Villains, and why I don't feel like beating them up.


First and foremost, why do the dudes look like girls? Is it so I squeal and yell that he's totally my type OMGROLFWAFFLES? Cos I definitely will. Lord Ghirahim, resident Demon Lord of the newest installment of the Zelda franchise, is the most adorable little cross-dressing demon man I have ever seen. (Allow me my fangirl moment, damn you). With that very disturbing thought out there, let's get to the point. I honestly felt really bad about smashing his pretty little face repeatedly with my sword. Even being a woman, I felt like a savage woman beater... beating up a girly man.

I've made it my personal rule not to beat up men with makeup.

Except for him, he's fair game.

Now, don't get me wrong, female villains rock. But don't just give her magical powers while I've got massive Rambo muscles and a sword to cut her up good with. No, no no no no. She needs a kick-ass sword too. Maybe a cool bad-ass catch-phrase too. It's ingrained in all our heads not to go around beating women, so forgive for not wanting to go charging in with my sword while she shoots little sparkle dust at me, regardless of how powerful the spells actually are. At least give me the illusion she's fighting back by giving her a sword, or kick-ass club to hold.

Now THAT'S a woman after my own heart, right there.

Another thing I want to get out there is, stop giving them compelling backstories. Yes, I want to know more about them, where they've come from, why they're evil... but why do they always have to have such tragic pasts that make me feel sorry for them. The last thing I want when walking into a boss battle is to have sympathy or worse, even liking the villain I'm about the lay a smackdown on. (I'd like to refer to Loki right now, even though he's not a video game villain, just because the movie did just that, and it's the first thing I thought of.) The villain Count Bleck, from Super Paper Mario (oh god girliest game ever, but awesome still) is one of those. Of course, being the girly kid's game it is, he redeems himself in the end, so I guess this was a bad example.

After compelling backstories, the next problem is making the villains too likeable. If they're too funny, I won't want to kill them. If they're doing it for a lost love, I'll feel bad about it after vomiting at the cliché. If they're adorable, not going to want to hurt it.

 Look at that little loving-life grin. I feel bad every time. Sort of.

You want me to be itching to kick some villain ass? Make them annoying, but not so annoying as to stop me wanting to play the game.

Yeah, we all know we wanted to kill her instead of Ganondorf.

Or better yet, have the villain be as vindictive, sneering and condescending as possible. I think it's an instinct everyone's born with that they see a self-satisfied smirk on someone's face and they want to smack it off their face with their Master Sword. That's why Ganondorf was always such a good villain, he'd be condescending, making us go through round after round of light-ball ping-pong before considering you enough of a threat to let the fight get real. By that time, you're just itching to get your sword into him on even grounds to prove yourself. That's what you need in a villain. That self-confident, condescending asshole players can't wait to stick it to.

If all else fails, make all villains look like this.

Of course, you could go in another direction, with the emo, self-deprecating, why-won't-anyone-love-me-style villain. It gets to a point where they whine so much, you can't wait to just put them out of their misery.

You know who you are, pretty boy.

So what I think the world of video game villains needs, is a sort of mash-up. Someone who has a reason for being so evil, even if that reason is just being born that way, someone who's got story, but not so much that it takes over the game and makes me sympathize for the villain. Someone with flare, but not so much that players become attached. Someone who looks down on other characters with loathsome disdain. And best of all, someone so completely insane you couldn't imagine letting them live to see another day out of fear of what they might do. Well what do you know, Kefka's good for something after all, scaring you into wanting him dead. (Greatest villain of all time!)

He'll murder me in my sleep if I don't give him picture space.

So, to recap, what we need to do is stop making me like the villains I'm about to murder. Make them someone I enjoy killing. Not someone I enjoy watching and interacting with. That's what the whole point of games is, you get to the end, and kill the bad guy. I want to like doing it. Not feel bad about doing it. I want to look forward to the boss battle, I want to be so amped up about sticking my sword/photon/laser gun into his/her chest that I run in like a fool. THAT'S what video games seem to have lost in a sea of artsy graphics and story. I just want that feeling back.

Here's some fuel for nightmares before you go.

Cheers!

The Legend of Zelda: Most Addictive Game Yet

Okay so maybe the game's called Skyward Sword and not Most Addictive Game Yet, but seriously. If there's one thing that'll wake a Nintendo fangirl from the dream that is Skyrim (that's another addictive one, seriously, what is it with game developers?) it's a brand new Zelda adventure where you actually get to entertain the fantasy that you actually have some sword fighting skill.

You'll probably never be this good.

 

They brought back your favourite swordsman and that gorgeous princess, and left out all the crappy characters from past games that no one like (Navi, anyone?). Of course they DID replace one annoying little fairy with a bigger annoying fairy, but I'd rather hear Fi's weird Kanye voicebox voice over Nav's irritating squeak any day. Not only is she less of an annoyance, she doesn't hover around your head distracting you from the tasks at hand as you try to stab her down with your sword. (Everyone tried to do that, right?)

 Looks like the character design team put a bit more effort in this time.

Not only is she significantly better-looking than Navi, she also offers better advice. Since she's not really a person of sorts and more just a technology inside the Goddess Sword, she offers logical advice and precise calculations, as opposed to the crappy vague riddles we got from our lame-o fairy. Of course, Fi has her downsides, a lot of the information she gives on enemies is limited to whether or not you've defeated one yet. I ran into that slight problem when trying to defeat my first skulltula. But that aside, I'd rather a little companion that stays hidden most of the time than an annoying little floating fairy or having Midna skulking around in my shadow. (I really have nothing against Midna really, I just... I'd rather not have any companion really.)

This game is really very different from others before it, mostly in the way that it's all based on your Wii remote and how you move it. People I've spoken to are a little leery of fighting enemies and boss battles by swinging the swords themselves, but if you take the time to do the training exercises, it's really quite simple to get the hang of it.

In this game, practice makes perfect.

The favourite old tools are back: bombs, the slingshot, the bow and the hookshot in form of the clawshot. The ocarina is conspicuously absent, having been replaced by a Goddess' Harp. I haven't gotten the harp yet, so I can't say if it's anything like the ocarina. You can also obtain a whip, once again, not something I've done yet, having spent most of my time grinding for rupees. There are also mitts for digging to be found and a gust bellows with which you can blow dirt and small enemies around. The new addition that really has me excited is the Beetle. It's a small flying drone that cuts through ropes, and if you upgrade it enough, you can eventually have it carry bombs.

The one tool I've been using the most so far is the Bug Net. In this game, you can catch bugs to upgrade your potions. It's a bit difficult to get a handle on at first if you have shaky hands like I do, but eventually you get into the stride of following the bugs and swinging the net to catch it. You can also gather treasures to upgrade your equipment, a feature in this game that I really like.

Shields in this game have health bars. (Well all of them except for one, the Hylian Shield, one we're quite accustomed to seeing by now.) If you deplete the health bars completely, the shields break, so it's important to get the longest health bar possible for your shield. You do this by upgrading your shield at the scrap shop in Skyloft. Needless to say, the treasures you collect in this game come to be rather important you.

This is a game for people who don't mind grinding for items and rupees. You can get through the game just grabbing the treasures you get while doing yours quest, but you probably won't be able to upgrade all of Link's equipment that way. Therefore, you'll probably be spending some time catching bugs and picking up different relics and other treasures from around the world.

So far, I'm really loving the storyline. You're a boy from the knight academy in a floating town called Skyloft. You're BFFs with Zelda, and she's totally into you, if you know what I mean. I don't want to give any of the story away, so I won't say more, but it really is a lot of fun.

Did I mention the interesting riding that goes on in this game? No, you don't have Epona, which is sad, but it's still actually kind of cool. You have a giant red bird, a Loftwing, of your very own to fly around on. The coolest thing about it? You get to jump off into the air and whistle for your bird. I know I scared the crap out of a friend who came over to see the game when he first saw me dive off a ledge.

I didn't know Link had taken up skydiving.

Flying is one of the more awkward things in the game to catch onto, since it's actually quite sensitive to how you're holding the remote. But, you get a nice tutorial from Zelda, so it shouldn't be too difficult for anyone to pick up. I got it rather quickly and I'm not always so great with stuff like that.

All in all, I'm really loving this game so far. I haven't gotten too far into it yet, despite a 60 hour playing time (spent more time cutting grass than anything). When I get further in, I'll be able to comment further on it, but I doubt I'll do nothing but love it more. Until then!

Cheers!

I seriously have to share this

Here's a video of my cat being adorable. I really just had to share this, he's my crazy little baby.

This is me admitting to being a crazy cat-lady. No one judge me.

Hope cute things brighten up your day!

Cheers!

How to put together your very own Fourth Doctor costume

Well, Hallowe'en may be over, but I know for a fact that conventions go pretty much year round, seeing as I have one not to far from now. What a better place to show off your cosplay skills? And, if you're anything like me, you love the idea of going as one of the greatest people to ever bless the Doctor Who-niverse.

I wonder if he looks this shocked when he finds out he's so popular.

If the last con I went to was any indication, Doctor Who is making a massive resurgence, thanks greatly to Russell T. Davies and Steven Moffat, bless them. But, amongst the cool bow-ties and the coats from Janice Joplin, I was seeing an awful lot of scarves, which to me, was amazing.

The greatest fashion accessory mankind will ever know.

So, if you're interested in becoming the embodiment of the greatest Doctor to ever be known (opinions may vary, depending on who you started with, it IS true that you never forget your first), you will need to do a variety of things before even getting started.

This is no time to get lazy.

First off, you have to come to the realization that Tom Baker's Doctor had one of the more diverse wardrobes in the series. Consisting of three very distinct coats, two noticeably different=coloured scarves, not counting the differing multi-coloured ones that appeared throughout the Fourth Doctor's long run.

You have to make a decision about which sort of Fourth Doctor you want to portray. Do you want to be the early Doctor, fumbling around in his short burgundy blazer? Do you want to be the Doctor in his dark brown coat, ready to plunge into a dark and mysterious plot? Or would you rather wear the light grey-brown frock, ready for a more light-hearted and action-packed adventure?

He can't make the decision for you.

Once you've made your decision, it's time to find out what kind of components you're dealing with. Personally, I preferred the lighter coat outfit, which is the one I chose, but they all have essentially the same parts, just in different colours. Keeping in mind that there are A LOT of things you'll need, which can rack up in a lot of money spent, this is what you'll need:

• Blazer or frock coat
  I got mine from CosplaySky, rather thank making my own, since making coats can actually get far pricier than simply buying one online. I was also pressed for time, so I just placed the order and focussed on other parts of the costume instead.
  CosplaySky is actually a really great place to get the coats, since they have both the grey-brown frock and the reddish blazer, and everything's made to your own specific measurements, which is pretty awesome. So whether you buy it online, or you make it yourself (there is a wide variety of patterns available online if you need one, simply search "Frock coat pattern" and you'll find one), this should be one of the first things you get done, since coats can be time-consuming to make and orders can take a few weeks for delivery, so don't do this one last-minute.
  
  
  
  
•  The Scarf
  
  
  The iconic scarf. This is the item that will make people recognize who you're cosplaying as. Most people, myself included, will say that this is the most important part of your costume, seeing as it IS his trademark accessory.
  Now the scarf is slightly more difficult. Frock coats are coming back into style with all the steampunk and popularity of Victorian-era clothing. Eighteen-foot scarves, however, have never really been in style, and considering the impracticality or them, I don't think you'll be finding those at your local stores.
  There are people online you can commission a scarf from, but in this case, that would probably be the more expensive route. If you know how to knit, or even if you don't (it's not really that hard, so why not give it a try?), it's time to get crafty. Wool, if you shop at stores like Wal-Mart, isn't that expensive and you can get rather large balls at a much cheaper price. If you're willing to put aside the time (and eighteen feet or so IS going to be time consuming) you can get the scarf for much cheaper than if you were to buy one online.
  My grandmother, an avid knitter (my own personal Madam Nostradamus), volunteered to make the scarf for me, and, knitting for hours a day (it's her hobby, I'm not a slave-driver, honest), she managed to make the entire scarf in a little under two weeks, but don't expect that sort of productivity if you have an actual life. Set aside some time to knit, but make sure you start enough in advance, I'd recommend a good couple months in advance, giving yourself some lee-way. If you want a good pattern to knit from, I'd recommend doctorwhoscarf.com, since they offer all four patterns of the scarf as it evolved.
  Either way you choose to go about obtaining the scarf, be assured that it's well worth it. You'll have a Doctor Who prop as recognizable as the Sonic Screwdriver... which, speaking of...
  
•  Sonic Screwdriver
  This is one of the accessories people often forgo if they need to save some money. I'm not against dropping the screwdriver if you're a little strapped for cash (I'm no stranger to being broke, but that cos I buy all sorts of Doctor Who stuff), but it is one of the cheaper items to put into your costume. I paid 19.99$ for my screwdriver at the last con I went to, and looking online, it's not too much more to order online. I've also seen the Fourth Doctor's screwdriver in comic book and collectible shops all over, so there are options with the Screwdriver. And, after you're done with it in your costume, it's fun to have around as a decoration, I keep mine with my DVDs, and people who visit are always playing with it because of the fun sound it makes.
  
• Hat
  The hat is another difficult one if you don't want to spend a lot of money. The only floppy fedoras I'd found outside of Hallowe'en time were in men's specialty shops for upwards of 80$ apiece. I suppose if you shop around online enough you may find one for cheaper, but I hadn't found one. So, with those shocking prices, I'd ended up going to a Hallowe'en costume shop, hoping to fins Victorian props, and came out with a Freddy Kreuger hat. It's not EXACTLY like the Doctor's hat, but it's really similar in some ways, and is providing me with a good template to make a better hat for future cons. So my advice for the hat is to shop around and don't be afraid to get something cheap and work to make it similar with a little scrap fabric.
  
  
• Waistcoat
  The Doctor is famous for his crazy pattern choices, and the waistcoat is no exception, sporting a cheerful brown tartan pattern along the front. Now, if you don't have a lot of time or money on your hands, this one doesn't have to be perfect the first time around, as your scarf does hide a lot. The first time I dressed as the doctor, I didn't have a waistcoat at all. No one noticed with the scarf in the way, but if you're a die-hard cosplayer like me, I know you'll want to get one eventually. I recomment going to men's shops that sell Victorian-inspired clothing, or to shop online in places that sell Victorian or steampunk clothing, as they're the most likely to have what you're looking for. I found that The Gentleman's Emporium had the best choices.
  
  In some earlier episodes, the Doctor was seen wearing an argyle cardigan under his blazer, which is probably easier to find than the waistcoat. I've never gone looking for a cardigan like his, so I have no real advice, other than to look in menswear stores.
  
•  Shirt
  The Doctor's shirt isn't often seen under everything he wears over it, but's mostly a baggy dress shirt, a more Victorian-styled shirt, but this is one place you can afford to be lazy and just use a normal shirt, as it will be covered. If you're going for authenticity, shop around in Victorian stores until you find something.
  
• Ascot
  The Doctor is definitely one for accessorizing! He's always seen with a colourful neckscarf (in red for later episodes, green for earlier ones). This is one of the things that will be visible if it's missing, but I didn't find red ascots too difficult to come by. They sell them in men's specialty stores and online everywhere that sells steampunk and Victorian clothing.
  
• Trousers
  The Fourth Doctor wears baggy wool trousers. They're a sort of grey-brown, and you can get them pretty much anywhere you can buy men's pants. I personally bought mine in a suit I got for the jacket that looks like the one Matt Smith's Doctor wore.
  
• Shoes/Boots
  The Doctor wears either brown loafers or knee-high buccaneer boots, depending on the episode. This is another decision that needs to be made in the costume process, keeping in mind that the loafers would probably be easier to find, as you can buy them in pretty much any shoe store. The boots would not be too difficult if you don't mind paying for it, as boots can get to be quite expensive. For boots, I'd recommend, once again, looking in places that sell older-fashioned and Victorian clothing, as you'll have the best amount of luck there.

These shoes scream sex.

However you go about getting the components of your costume, it will be well worth it once you start to see it coming together. The only thing left to do once you've gotten everything you'll need is to wear it with confidence. If you have crazy hair like mine, fashioning your own hair into an acceptable "fro" to rival Tom Baker's mess of curls. If you don't have insane hair, there are a variety of curly wigs to be found both online and in costume and party shops all over, so this will probably be the easiest part of the costume.

When you look this good, the ladies love you.

Once you've gotten your hair in order and all of your costume put together, rejoice! For you are now the Fourth Doctor. And that's certainly something to be proud of. Enjoy showing it off at your next party or convention!


Cheers!

Kenny McCormick, Greatest Character Ever

Could the coolest kid in South Park raise his hand. Not you, Kahl.

 "Dr. Pepper, what flavour is it? Is is root beer or cola?"  That is one of the biggest questions in the newest South Park episode I just finished watching, and am totally not in the process of watching again.

Most people who know me actually expect me to say Cartman is my favourite of the boys, seeing as my favourite character of all time (other than the subject of this post) is Towelie, or at least Stan or Kyle, since I'm sort of a bitch (Kyle) and a little bit of a pussy (like Stan). But in reality, Kenny is the only one for me. Not only is he the raunchiest, most badass character ever, he's also the one who seems to have the most insight out of all of them, probably due to his position in the town's socioeconomic ladder.

 He's uh, quite low on that ladder...

Need I even mention the sex jokes? The ones you sometimes I have to strain to catch, but are so worth it when you do? And do I have to bring up the way he expertly riles up Cartman, the best of all characters, with the exception of Kyle, although Eric tends to rile himself up more about Kyle than Kyle actually does, but I digress. Cartman's jokes "toe" the line (toe is in quotations, because I'm really quite sure they cross the line by quite a bit, really), but Kenny, with his voice being muffled, which basically censors itself, has access to so much more material, seeing as he doesn't need to be bleeped out when he says... undesirable things.

That hood is not only fashionable, it's a useful creative tool too!

And now, in this latest episode, we get to see a softer side of Kenny, which we don't often get to see. We see a Kenny, who is normally shown to be independent and light-heartedly brash, looking out for his terrified little sister. In order to make her feel safer, he dons his costume and assumes his super identity of Mysterion, whom Karen believes to be her guardian angel.

Need I say more? The kid's a sweetie-pie.

Need I say more about Mysterion? Of course! He is the greatest thing to ever happen to Kenny's character in the whole run of the show. Not only does he carry over Kenny's mysterious ability to not die, but he also retains the power to have no one remember his deaths after the fact. This is a power Mysterion believes to be a curse, which he often complains about to Coon and the others. This, along with Mysterion's other line topics, helps to display Kenny's darker, less childish side, revealing a mature boy with remarkable insight.

He shall continue to rise, while fans love him.

All in all, this episode is now one of my favourites, obviously due to it being pretty much Kenny-centric, with a few interruptions from Cartman, for which he can, of course, be forgiven. Kenny will continue to be my favourite character, only aided by episodes such as this one.

And I mean, is he not the cutest little preschooler ever?

I leave you know, with an amateur sketch and a message:

I'm white trash, and I'm in trouble!

 And this is an amateur sketch of the greatest South Park character ever. Period.

Cheers!

This cutie-pie, along with everything else South Park, belongs to Matt and Trey. :)

Doctor Who is Doctor New

Well, first off, I'd just like to say that Whovians do not get more obsessed than I am. I've been an honorary Time Lady since I was was a little girl, so there's not a lot of Doctor Who I don't know. Except for one thing: I don't know if it's a good idea to make a big Hollywood movie about the iconic Blue Box and her little puppet pet the Doctor.

 Pictured: why I'm always broke

But it sounds to me like that's exactly what they're planning on doing. I've been reading article after article about big shot director David Yates taking on the Time-Space continuum in the hearty little  police box.

Now, on a whole, I think Yates is an accomplished director, having worked on project after project and doing wonderfully on most. However, I feel that he does best when he has full artistic license and isn't working from something that already exists and is already popular. I am, of course, thinking about Harry Potter when I write this, as I find that Order of the Phoenix was... less than I had hoped it would be upon hearing Yates' name attached to the project. With that in mind, I think it would be a bad idea for Yates to take on something as big and established as Doctor Who. I mean, the show has been running since 1963, before things were even in colour, you'd think it would have a lot of history and story attached to it, and it does.

The thing that makes Doctor Who so unique is how the story has developed so steadily over the years. To just erase all of that and start over, as it's been suggested will happen, would be nothing less than a sin. Even if this movie were to go all the way back to the first Doctor (William Hartnell, you know, the grumpy old man Doctor) and introduce him, the TARDIS, companions and villains, it would still have a hollow feel to it, like it's missing something.

Another concern I have is that it's been implied that Russell T Davies and Steven Moffat, the brilliant men who've revived and revitalised the series so well, will not be a part of this movie. This worries me. The reason Doctor Who has been such a hit is that Davies and Moffat are willing to take risks, and these risks pay off. I feel like it would seem like things were being played safe without one of these toe-the-line writes on the project (I'm thinking of you, Davies, Torchwood is excellent for its scandalously fabulous scenes, you know what I'm talking about). My personal resentment of Moffat aside, he's a brilliant writer who deserves a chance at the big screen, if he wants it.

Which brings me to the question. Were these brilliant, glorious writers offered the chance to be a part of this movie? If they weren't, well, Mr Yates, that is just plain rude. These gentlemen have been the parents and protectors of Doctor Who since the reboot six years ago. It would be insane to not even consult them. If they were offered, and turned it down... well, I wouldn't blame them, I've seen Torchwood: Miracle Day. It appears that these shows do best without being Americanized.

I'd also like to point out that the Doctor Who movie that's already been done, you know, the one everyone's forgotten about because it hurts less that way, was less than brilliant. Doctor Who is fantastic because it fits so much into its one hour slot and always resolves the conflict in one, sometimes two episodes. To draw everything out into a full-length feature would just make it seem slow and empty.

One of my biggest concerns, other than writers, is who they would pick to play the Doctor. My favourite incarnations of the Doctor (2, 4, 6, Fourth is my favourite, for whoever's curious.) have all been sort of childish and outlandishly insane. Lately it seems that the casting's being done based on looks and not insanity-levels. Now, this is not an insult to the new boys, especially not David Tennant, who channeled the Fourth, much to my pleasure. Casting has been done very well so far. So far.

Pictured: Greatest thing to happen to television. Ever.

You see, the best, most popular way to make money, is to bring in a big-name hotshot or a sexy new man to fill the seats in theatres. Now normally, this isn't a problem to me, Johnny Depp is great at everything. Yes I'm a fangirl, shut up. But I'd rather see an old man up on the screen being properly insane than a brooding sparkling vampire brooding and sparkling all over the place. (I swear to god if Robert Pattinson so much as touches this movie someone WILL get hurt XD Great in Harry Potter, now I just can't look at him.) That said, if a big-name actor needs to get attached to the film, why not let it be Alan Rickman? Or, if need be, let it be Johnny Depp. I've seen him be insane more than enough times to know he'd do it well.

This brings me to the issue of fans. You see, the reason I love Doctor Who is that it has such an extensive fanbase of people who know, really know, Who. There's the people who've been there from The Beginning (oddly enough, that IS the name of the box set of William Hartnell's first episodes), and the people the Doctor's picked up along the way, sweeping them off into the TARDIS. The one thing I don't want is people coming to see this movie because an actor like Johnny Depp is in it, never having heard of Doctor Who, and then claiming to be die-hard fans without knowing anything else of the series. I went through this with the Star Trek reboot (which was amazing, you'll never hear me say anything to the contrary, Abrams is a genius) and I don't want to go through it again with my other Fandom.

Maybe I'm just being too protective of my childhood love. Maybe this movie has great potential I just haven't seen yet. The only thing I have to do is wait, since this is a long way off. Maybe it won't happen, maybe it will. I'll just have to go into this with my expectations as they are, that way the movie CAN'T suck. It can only exceed my expectations for it. Only time will tell... guess I'll hop into my TARDIS and see how this movie goes. I'll let you know.. Cheers!